My Cup Runneth Over

Some days your heart is so completely full that you want to burst into tears because it’s so overwhelming. Nothing extraordinary has happened. I have been sick this past week and, for others reasons, it has not the been the best week. Today, I woke with a blinding migraine. I had no choice but to sleep it off. I am feeling much better now after having some soup.

Still, I am so overwhelmingly thankful today. Things still aren’t perfect. I’m still unemployed. Like I mentioned above, I’ve been sick and in bed for days, but I’m just so grateful for this life I have been given. My brothers’ lives are moving in the right direction. I’ve met people that have restored my faith in humanity a bit. I’ve reconnected with some old friends. I have a bestfriend that I could tell anything in the world and she would still accept me. To top it all off, I’ve met this wonderful man that just warms my heart.

Kindness makes me happy.
Love makes me happy.
Seeing other people full of love and kindness and with happy hearts, makes me happy. I wish everyone would strive to be better and do better. Sure, there are bad people in this world and people that will take advantage of you. You have to continue to find the beautiful in the ugly, though. You have to not give up. It’s so very, very easy to give up. All the bad days seem worth it when you have those good days and days of understanding, though.

Always try to make room in your heart for compassion for others. I’ve had people tell me that one person can’t change the world. Darling, I beg to differ. All it takes is one person brave enough to make a stand and one person to believe in that person. It’s a domino effect of one persons and, before you know it, you’re changing the world together for the better.

I challenge you to be the one person bettering this world. Try it. Let your kindness catch like wildfire. It’s something this world can never have too much of.

honestly,
me

p.s. this is completely random, but if you use a ‘hot toddy’ or ‘grandpa’s cough medicine’ recipe and wouldn’t mind sharing it with me, I would be ever so grateful. Mine was an epic fail and totally gag-worthy. 

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Passerby

Conversation is a dying art form.
It will soon be viewed in museums,
mostly passed by as an uninteresting exhibit.
People will move on to the portraits beside it
of picturesque beauty, with snippets of an ideal life.

“I want it all and once I have it, I want more,
unless, of course, you want to give it freely.”
It’s a catch and release sort of life.
“I want you until I have you, then want not.”

Don’t you ever get tired of the constant chase?
Isn’t there a hand you want to always hold?
Or is fear the only thing you’ll hold onto?

I have this large heart, vacancy sign lit,
but I am nothing more than a vacation spot.

They always come, but they always go.

cls09222015

One for the Books– A Day to Remember

I am pretty tired, but I want to write about some things while they are very fresh on my mind.

Have you ever met someone that completely changed your life? They didn’t do anything life-changing. They are probably totally unaware that they had the sort of impact on your world that moves mountains, but they changed you.

Today, I met an extraordinary person. We have known each other for a short while, thanks to technology these days. We had a remarkable day exploring a town neither of us was familiar with. We laughed and the conversation flowed like a mountain stream, uninterrupted and so easily. I have been blessed with people throughout my life that I’m thankful to know and have known, but I have never met anyone like this individual. He has the kindest eyes I’ve ever seen. He is so genuine and engaging. I am so very thankful that I got a chance to spend time with him. I will forever cherish this day.

It’s about more than just good conversation and laughs. His presence empowers me. He has breathed into me renewed life. The way he speaks and his compassion for others captivates you. I cannot adequately put into words how incredible he is.

We can never be sure what the future holds. I can only hope that he is someone that will be in my life for a very long time. At the very least, he has given me a memory that I will forever hold dear to my heart.

People come and go in life. It hurts a lot of times when they go, especially if you don’t want to let them go. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. You can find beauty in every single situation. There is no exception. I am constantly learning that.

You are not a prison. You can’t contain everything you love in a room and hold it there forever. People are meant to grow and live. You have to learn to cherish the moments you are given and let go of the pain. You cannot regret something that once made you happy just because it no longer brings you happiness. You have to let go. I am one of those people that want to hold onto everything. It is so hard for me to let things and people go. It hurts. It hurts like hell.

Like a caterpillar must go through changes to become a butterfly, we too have to go through changes to become better. It can sometimes be impossible to see in the moment. I have been in that place more times than I can count. I have cursed my life and the choices I have made. I have beat myself down mentally with thoughts of worthlessness and telling myself that I don’t deserve anything.

It’s not true. Everyone is worthy. Everyone deserves the very best. Your mistakes and circumstances do not define you. I’ve said it before, but I can’t say it enough. Do not let the past beat you down. You have to stand back up and face the world head on. Don’t let the world harden you and take your compassion. Don’t let your own fears stifle you.

We live in a world, now, where people are more worried about keeping up with the constant stream of social media as opposed to the people in their very presence. Put down your phones. Interact with people in real life. We all want these beautiful lives and relationships and we’re always searching, constantly searching. Stop searching. Look around you. You could be missing out on something before your very eyes because you’re so caught up in things that don’t matter. Take some time to soak in the life you have been given. How can you make it better? How can you make it richer in things that matter? Stop comparing yourself and your life to the snapshot pieces you see of others. You’re usually only being shown the best parts. Everyone has woes and struggles in life. They are not exempt simply because you are unaware of them.

You have to learn to accept yourself and love yourself unconditionally. You matter and you should never ever let another person make you feel any differently. You should also never tell yourself otherwise. There are going to be people that are going to try and break you. They are going to make you question who you are. You must not let those people break you. You will not be accepted by everyone. It’s just a fact of life. It’s okay. You don’t have to be accepted by everyone. Their views and opinions of you are exactly that, THEIRS! They don’t have to influence your life unless you let them. The way you treat others is a direct reflection on yourself. The same goes for how people treat you; it is a direct reflection on themselves, not you.

I am learning to be more compassionate. I am learning to focus on the things in life that really matter. I am learning every day, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Knowledge is power and when you use that power to better yourself, others, and the world around you it becomes a magnificent place– physically and mentally.

I am so very thankful for the person I have spoken about in this post. He has opened up a world for me that I was unaware was even closed to begin with. I am so very grateful for the life I have been given despite the set of circumstances I have been handed. I will persevere.

honestly,
me

A Full Heart

My heart is full tonight. I spent the evening fishing and enjoy some sunshine with the bestie. I only caught one fish, catch and release, but I had a blast. It was so nice out. I then went and spent some time with a friend that I haven’t seen in a short while. That was nice as well. Overall, it was a great day. It’s a beautiful night. If I weren’t so sleepy and it so late, I’d be inclined to sit outside and soak it in.

My day (that I previously wrote about) got slightly better. I ended up talking with my bestie and spilling my woes. It was good to talk about it. Everyone has bad days. It’s okay to have a bad day. Sometimes you just have to have those days where you don’t do much. You shouldn’t get so down on yourself, like I tend to do. Wake the next day and try to have a better day. Some days all you can do is try.

I’m feeling motivated again about life. I want to try new things and work toward finding a career that I can put my time into. My friend said he’d look over my resume and help me “perfect” it as much as possible. I’m ready to start living. I think I have some new friendships budding. It’s too early to tell, but I’m having an open and hopeful mind. I might get to go to a little festival tomorrow with my bestie and a couple other people. I plan to ride on a motorcycle for the first time Saturday. I’m super nervous but, like I said, I’m trying new things. Sunday, the friend I spent time with tonight and I are wanting to try out a new church. We plan to do that Sunday morning and then go fishing. I’m hoping for a really good weekend. I need to fit some time in to do my free online classes since I’m slightly slacking on those deadlines.

Tonight, I’m thankful for good days and the friendships I have. I’m thankful for days that fill my heart.

honestly,
me

Thankful– A Boring Day

Tonight, I reconnected with a friend of mine and it made me really happy. I went from having a somewhat down in the dumps day to feeling pretty good about this day. It’s all about perspective and I’m still trying so very hard to have a positive outlook more times than not. I wish I would have appreciated this day more in the moment as opposed to at the very end of it. Nothing extravagant happened and I was relatively bored. Now that I’m reflecting on my day, I see the significance of this boring day.

Here’s how it went:  I woke up and went to work with my Dad for a bit. That included riding around with him and checking on some jobs and such. We also had to pick some things up from Home Depot and I scratched my hands all to heck on some type of wiring. I spent the rest of the day at my Grandma’s, with my Dad, in front of the TV and on my computer. We grabbed some Dairy Queen for dinner.

Doesn’t sound like a really interesting day, right? That’s correct in some ways, but here’s why I’m thankful for this boring day. I got to spend some time with my Dad. Granted a lot of it was spent not really talking and us doing our own thing, but we were in each other’s presence nevertheless. I live out of state and don’t see my family as often as I’d like or should. Every moment that I’m able to spend with them is important. One day, I’m going to look back on these boring days and wish I could give all the money in the world just to have a sliver of that moment back. I pray that day is a long, long time from now.

I’m laying here on my Grandma’s couch with her little doggy beside me. Crickets are playing in the background and all else is silent except for the clicking of my keyboard. It’s the wee hours of the morning and I should be sound asleep, but I’m really soaking in how thankful I am. Just a few hours ago I was feeling melancholy all because I couldn’t get out of my head. Now, I’m overwhelmingly thankful for the same reasons I was bored earlier. Forgive me if I’m repetitive. I am a wee bit tired.

If I could have you take something from this post, it would be to live in the moment. Appreciate each and every thing even if it seems uneventful. Life is all about perspective. It reminds me of the example of going back in the future in movies and such. You have to make sure to stay on the path and not move off for even the slightest moment. If you were to harm even one tiny little insignificant mosquito, you could alter the entire future for the whole of humanity. Moments that seem irrelevant now could become some of your most significant memories later in life. So, make them all count.

honestly,
me

Hello world!

As I stare at this blank screen, while lounging in sweats, I wonder what I should tell you about myself. I glance out the glass doors to a dimly lit grassy incline as the TV drones on in the background mixed with my Dad’s snoring. I’ve attempted so many blogs for various reasons, but I never seem to stick with them. I want this one to be different. I want this to be a place that I can be honest with myself and anyone who reads. That means things might not always be pretty. It also means that I’m opening myself up to criticism from complete strangers. People can be cruel and I wonder if opening myself up like this is a smart idea especially when I am constantly changing every minute of every day. Nevertheless, I’m doing it.

This blog is going to be a mix of everything from poetry to photographs to a basic journal of my life. I am currently reading a book titled, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life by Brian Tracy. I am only a few chapters in, but man is it powerful! I have been going through a lot of emotional turmoil recently because of everything from failed relationships to being unemployed. I have felt more hopeless lately than I ever remember feeling in my life. It blows my mind how much my own thoughts can impact my world. Just because you’re presented with an unfortunate or unwanted circumstance, that doesn’t mean you have to let it ruin your day, month, or life. I’ll be the first to admit that my emotions usually rule my life. They dictate how my day goes and how well I sleep at night or not. It impacts the way I treat others. Recently, those things have been impacted negatively and I don’t like it. I don’t like who I am when I let my emotions rule me. Instead of wallowing in bed going unshowered for days, I’m tryinug to make an actual effort to change my life for the better. It may seem like I’m raving for this book, but that’s not the case. I had been making an unconscious effort to block the negativity from my life. I was laying in bed last night and couldn’t sleep. I had this book on my phone and the title caught my attention so I started reading. It’s like you’ve been on a road for miles and miles feeling like you’re going in the right direction but not completely sure, and then you see a sign that tells you you’re on the right path. I’ll keep you updated on my thoughts of the book and, of course, my progress.

I must also state that I really need to work on my personal relationships, family being a big one. I seem to shut them out because I don’t want them to worry about me and I can come off in a very negative way. I don’t want there to be tension with the most important people in my life and I, but surprisingly those are my hardest relationships. I am going to make them a priority to repair.

I am also trying to stop mindless gossip and being judgemental even in playful ways. I never want to hurt someone. I never want someone to feel less because of something I said or did. I know I can’t please everyone, but I don’t want to intentionally bring harm when I can help it. I have been at the wrong end of gossip and it really hurts and is extremely uncomfortable. Every single person on this planet has their own struggles. It’s time we start helping one another stand as opposed to knocking each other down.

This may seem a little heavy for a first, ‘Hello world!’, post but this is what’s on my mind. So, here’s some background information about me:

  • College graduate –> BAB in International Business
  • Currently unemployed for like 1.5 months (Ahh! I have no idea what I am doing or what I want to do)
  • I love nature and almost all bodies of water (ocean being my fave)
  • I write poetry (An English teacher would probably slash through my writings with lots of red ink)
  • I like taking pictures
  • Writing and reading are huge hobbies of mine
  • Besides the book previously stated, I’m also reading the Stephanie Plum series
  • I’m terrified of snakes and storms, but enjoy a peaceful rain
  • Country music will always be my fave even though I dabble in almost all genres
  • I would love to travel the world and see as much as possible
  • Costa Rica is the only other country I’ve been to besides the USA
  • I really want more GENUINE friendships. That area of my life is really lacking. If you would like to help me change that then please, by all means. I just ask you be real and honest. I’ll do the same.
  • I am shy and socially awkward
  • I think this world needs more love and kindness

If there’s anything else you would like to know, then please feel free to ask. I’ll answer anything I feel comfortable with. Join me in trying to make this a happier, better world filled with kindness and love.

honestly,
me